Two weeks

Its been two amazing weeks with our little family home. I've been blessed that David was able to stay with us and help with the adjustment period and give me much needed help with an energetic toddler.

I can't say I'm not nervous for him to go back to work and to be home with the two kids by myself. It's like my moment of truth- can I really hack it as a stay at home mom? I'm sure that sounds trite to some,  but it's something I want to be good at... It is after all just another "career". Can I keep it all together?  House cleaned,  nutritious meals executed,  crafts and academic games & stimulating play dates and activities? 

I'm trying to give myself some room to just get back to normal- I am still physically not on Parr with where I was before,  and a lack of sleep does not help matters much! 

Either way,  I'm so excited to start a new "routine" with my babies,  move into our new house,  & continue this phase of my/their lives. 

Much love from this momma to you! 

Benjamin Knight Carroll

Inadequate

My inadequacy runs down my cheeks
Rolling over the milk stains and spit up
Disenchanted with the dirt & haphazard toys.
Strewn about
Like my emotions
Perfection impossible to obtain
Solace found in two familiar arms
All is well with my soul.

Though this seems a bleak post to restart my blog with,  I believe it expresses the turmoil and joy that any major change brings to a family. As someone who wants to always have it all together, the disorder this new life, our son, brings to our house is sometimes hard to swallow.

Add a new house next month,  a life - changing career switch for me from teaching to SAHM, & a super tight budget with a toddler and newborn...I'm sure I'll have a lot to write about!

As Glennon from momastery.com says,  it's a brutal- beautiful (brutiful) life.

For the Kids

I've been struggling with what to call this post because rather than rants about teachers and how bad they have it I actually want to focus on the student. I feel like most things I've been reading from teachers has been focused on their pay. However, I think we often forget the reason that we teach, and it's for the kids more than anything.
 I started back at school last week, and I was feeling bittersweet about the whole experience. On one hand, I'm leaving my daughter and putting her in daycare. This in itself goes against every instinct I have towards the matter. Surprisingly, all I wanted to do after I had her was stay home. I never had any inkling that that would be something I wanted to do, but if it was a viable option I would definitely have taken it and stayed home with her. Nonetheless, I am still back at school, and the monetary pay versus daycare is still beneficial enough to be at work. I'm loving interacting with adults, interacting with the kids, and really feeling like a contributing member of the team.
One thing that I didn't think I would feel this year was empathy for the kids. Not that I didn't think I would connect with them, but I was more focused on my own daughter and not so much the students. I really prayed about not having to go back to work, but I think God's plan was for me to help these kids. Last week I did a journal entry with them where we decided to "bottle up a memory", and I just wanted to gauge where they were in the writing process so my thought was to get them writing and then focus in on the skill set they needed. The entries I read were astounding. One boy discussed how his father overdosed and died and how he dealt with it. I know another girls in foster care and she wrote about her "mom", and another boy wrote about meeting his real father for the first time and helping out with his family photography business. These kids have only had me for a week; yet they're opening up their hearts and emotions to me. They really struggle, and it kills me now as a mom to see when their own parents aren't involved or when they're struggling with their every day things.
I guess overall I just really hope I can make a difference in these kids' lives. It really brings it all back to center that it doesn't matter what the politics are, it doesn't matter all that crap going on it's really for the kids.

Christmas cheer

It's only a few weeks til Christmas, and I am so excited!! Although Elise will only be 4 months old, I'm anticipating making our own holiday traditions with our family.
On the list:

Done....
- family Christmas card
- dress the cats in Christmas sweaters
- decorate a Christmas tree
- Christmas lights outside
- buy & wrap presents
- watch as many seasonal movies as possible

To Do.....
- make Christmas cookies
- live nativity experience
- Christmas Eve church service
- drive around & look at lights

When Elise is older...
- letter to Santa
- cookies & milk for Santa
- homemade gifts
- elf on the shelf
- Mickey's Very Merry Christmas at Disney

Rant about the school board

As I gear up for my return to work in the public school system, I have to add another tally on the cons side of being a teacher.

Yesterday as I loaded up my car to visit the school board office with baby in tow, I will admit I was already a little frustrated. Elise was having a fussy day, and if I hadn't been under the impression that I had to visit that day I very well would have stayed home that afternoon. Nonetheless I took my less than happy baby & drove 30 minutes to the office.
As we arrived, I sighed with relief. Elise needed to be changed, and I was sure I would be in and out in 20 minutes with my insurance taken care of.

After being rudely met by one woman in the risk management office, I was treated like an inconvenience and told I could wait in their break room for the insurance rep to return from lunch. She was halfway through at this point, so I settled in for 30 minutes.
After almost an hour wait, I packed my stroller up to leave. As soon as I got up the woman returned (Are teachers allowed a 2 hour lunch break?) and told me my insurance card with Elise's name wasn't enough proof that she's covered and that I'll need to return with a letter stating the same thing.

Con # 2235624: school board employees who presumably make more than teachers that take two hour lunch breaks are disenthused when asked to do their jobs. Can we put them on a pay for performance scale?

Far from being made to feel welcome and part of the reason these people have jobs, I was brushed off and treated with disdain. Unfortunately I have to grudgingly return to the same office next week to try to take care of the problem again.

On the other hand, I really need to attempt lesson plans so that when I return I'm not overwhelmed. That looks promising with a wedding looming & infant at home!

& next time I'm sure ill be back with more baby updates & less negative tellings.

Overflowing

Emotions brimming:
Rearing and running,
Skimming and dancing through my mind.
My cup overflows-
Drinking in joy
Uncertainty, fear, & hope.
Simple things made new.
Like plants after a long drought
devour water
Observing life anew,
Through the eyes of a child.
My heart is full.