My inadequacy runs down my cheeks
Rolling over the milk stains and spit up
Disenchanted with the dirt & haphazard toys.
Strewn about
Like my emotions
Perfection impossible to obtain
Solace found in two familiar arms
All is well with my soul.
Though this seems a bleak post to restart my blog with, I believe it expresses the turmoil and joy that any major change brings to a family. As someone who wants to always have it all together, the disorder this new life, our son, brings to our house is sometimes hard to swallow.
Add a new house next month, a life - changing career switch for me from teaching to SAHM, & a super tight budget with a toddler and newborn...I'm sure I'll have a lot to write about!
As Glennon from momastery.com says, it's a brutal- beautiful (brutiful) life.
Let me elaborate. If I haven't made it clear yet, I am a little obsessive-compulsive/Type A when it comes to organization, planning...basically life in general. When things don't go exactly how I think they should, I have a very hard time rolling with it.
Two days ago, I was driving myself, my sister, and my mom to Cheesecake Factory to meet friends for my mom's 50th birthday. Even though I grew up around the area, I never was legally of age to go out and so my knowledge of Tampa nightlife & directions are slim to none.
As we left the Painting with a Twist parking lot, I accidently turned the wrong way. Rather than, like a normal person, immediately pulling a U-Turn at the next possible spot, I freaked out.
Sitting at the light facing the wrong way, my conversation with my mom went something like this:
Mom- You're going the wrong way.
Me- Aw mom! You're supposed to be navigating!! (While looking at iPhone for map) There is NO PLACE to turn around! It dead ends!
Mom- Just calm down I'm sure you'll find a place right after this light.
Me- No I won't! AHHHHHHH! People are following us! This is terrible!!!!
Mom- Jaquelyn, this really isn't that big of a deal.
(Light turns green. I immediately see a nicely laid out driveway in the shape of a U. I pull through and easily turn around.)
Mom- Wow, that was easy.
Me- (Silence)
Did I mention my mom is as cool as a cucumber? She rarely cracks under pressure, and in this regard, we are complete opposites. Her flexible demeanor is definitely something I want to exude, especially as a teacher. I cannot expect all my lessons or plans to go exactly the way I want them.
Therefore, I am really going to work on getting past those leaves in life without freaking out- wrong turns, messy rooms, changes of plans, you name it!
When I watch this video and see truly how silly I am with this rigidity, I hope to relax, breathe & go AROUND the leaf.
What "leaf" is blocking your path today? Take a deep breathe & go AROUND the leaf. :)
